Up For Auction

Big Tex Auctioneers Presents...

Classic NASA Gemini VII ‘Gullwing’ Space Cannister!!!

Up for auction is this very rare, twin bucket-seat/gullwing space-can that made ‘human spaceflight’ history. Back in ‘65, this McDonnell(d’s) classic darted around earth for no less than two whole weeks supplying enough life support for a couple of tightly strapped-down ‘Astros’ who certainly had the ‘right stuff’ in order to con the entire world with aviation miracles. Indeed, this 'hysterical' milestone flight of Gemini VII certainly paved the way for all future 'voyages' into the heavens...

The incredibly cramped cockpit of this Gemini juke is in perfect condition with only a few minor stool-stains after 14 days of Astros pooping inside their plastic bags while floating in zero-g. Even the empty food containers used for the stowed poop per NASA come with this ‘fine’ museum piece of spaceflight artistry. There’s no bulls#$t about this well-documented and bona fide Gemini ‘spaceship’, as there are several counterfeit capsules out there on the market that never actually flew…

The external ‘heat shield’ of this aluminum cork-top is a bit baked via the flamethrower, yet the charred reinforced plastic over the stainless steel honey-comb is in presentable condition, as well as the paint on the external shingles that are neatly riveted together and sealed with RTV silicone. And of course this design composition worked just swell for the Mercury monkeys in bringing those cute chummy-chimps 'safely' through the 'thermal thicket' of the upper atmosphere and back down to Earth. Re-caulking is required after each 'flight'...

No doubt the next proud owner of this inconceivable collector's item will indeed have the best conversation piece at any local air show, even if one were to actually vaporize whilst flying this tin-timmy through the upper atmosphere at 30 times the velocity of a jumbo jet. However, if your friends don't buy into this insanity, you can certainly swindle them with the help from NASA’s Special Effects team (and a little ‘drop’ from a C-130…), and then you'll be the star of the spaceflight show...

Man-made meteors truly are able to ‘land’ safely on Earth, with the help of parachutes of course. And we mustn't forget, in '61 Yuri Gagarin (above, right) actually 'bailed' from his Vostok cannonball at hypersonic and 'parachuted' to safety. Parachutes are amazing at slowing down 'space-balls' from 17,500 mph... (By the way, NASA has never actually been able to measure this searing reentry temp that tends to burn-up space debris, but since it’s really, really hot, we’ll just stick with it as being 'tens' of times hotter than the sun as they state, and leave it at that…)

NO RESERVE! Estimated bids are to soar in the 100’s of billions as indeed this was the amount that the Soviets and NASA needed back in the 60’s to pull-off their preposterous ‘space stunts’. And of course the well-coordinated ‘space-act’ worked perfect in persuading Congress to cut lose the tax gravy train that would eventually lead up to a brand new field of modern art via computer-generated images of ‘exploding stars’ and ‘black holes’. There's no such thing as a 'starving artist' within the ranks of NASA...

Clown suits for your children’s birthday party are not included in this auction, and of course said suits will have to be removed during any simulation…. excuse me… ‘space flight’. Keep in mind stowage of donned suits is still a bit of a challenge within the cramped interior of this Gemini jalopy because NASA forgot to install glove compartments…

Thanks for looking any happy bidding! And if no one shells-out the dough for this classic ‘flying’ men’s stall, then perhaps NASA will still be able to use this clap-trap contraption for some good 'ol ‘spaceflight’ PR, as the Soviets nor NASA could ever make it through 100,000 whopping degrees of searing heat 'piloting' any of their tin-cans. And if space PR suddenly bites the dust, then there will be several Astro-actors and Cosmo-clowns looking for sci-fi jobs, or they just may have to digress and perform stand-up...