NASA ‘Slam-Dunks’ New Alien Planet Discovery

By: Buck Rogers

Above: Image from NASA's Really Big Telescope of newly discovered alien planet.

Oxford England, September 21, 2012

Excitement filled the halls of the Earth and Planetary science department today at Oxford, where a group of scientists announced the discovery of a new alien planet. “This planet is unlike anything we’ve ever seen” said chief scientist Dr. Ira Dupet, “We’ve got this one pegged at a 95% likelihood to be supporting life, so we think that it’s a definite slam-dunk” Ira stated while clicking thru pictures of what is now known as planet ‘321-F8KN-EM-BGTM’ on his computer monitor in his laboratory office.

“The reason we’re so confident that this planet has an alien population is because there appear to be canals dredged on its red Martian-like surface” stated Dr. Hans Gullaball, director of the NASA/ESA joint-venture research team, “This one’s a real winner when it comes to finding the Goldilock’s of alien planets” the astro physicist said, “No one’s gonna sneak up and steal our planetary porridge on this discovery, and with a little more funding, we’ll eventually make contact with these alien ditch diggers”.

Alien planets have been very difficult to snap pictures of until NASA and the ESA completed construction of the Really Big Telescope (RBT) in the high desert of Chile last year. “Before the Really Big came on-line, we had to rely on photo-shopped images from the Hubble Space Telescope” Dr. Gullaball admitted, “Pictures from the RBT have much more clarity than those via the Hubble, because the HST is still submerged in the training pool, and therefore it’s images of outer space were really fuzzy”.

File:Hubble Images of M100 Before and After Mirror Repair - GPN-2002-000064.jpg

Above Left: Fuzzy picture of a 'distant galaxy' taken by the Hubble. Right is the same snap-shot of the heavens taken by the Really Big. NASA then realized it wasn't a galaxy after all, but was just a stray Christmas tree ornamental ball...(these are 'real' images from NASA/ESA, by the way...)

Dr. Dupet gleefully pointed out that this alien planet also has an Earth-like moon, “When the RBT snapped a picture of F8KN-EM’s moon, we knew right then and there that there’s certainly life on this floating ball at the outskirts of our galaxy” he said. “If they have a moon, then I bet they have a space agency that ‘landed’ on it and played a little golf, just like we do.”


Above: Heavily cratered moon of planet F8KN-EM floating in the blackness of space... 

Dr. Dupet was shuffling through 40+year-old photos lying on his desk of NASA’s astro’s driving the piano-wire tire lunar-buggy around on the moon collecting really old rocks. “What‘s so fascinating is that their moon’s craters are really well-spaced, almost as if they were planned,” he said. “When we first got these shots of planet F8KN-EM and it’s moon, we almost thought that someone was pulling our leg... And then we chuckled at that silly idea and went right back to work”.

The Really Big Telescope has also detected several explosions in space, “Yeah, there’s stuff blowing-up out there left and right” Dr. Gullaball informed. “And thanks to the Really Big, we’re able to determine with a great deal of accuracy that these explosions occurred billions of years ago, but the flash from these blasts in outer space are just now reaching us because light travels really fast, I mean slow….” For now, the Really Big will remain focused on planet F8KN-EM in order to feed the research team images to chew-on before capturing extra colorful stills of 'exploding' constellations.

Additional photos of this major alien planet discovery will be available in the ‘alien gallery’ section of NASA’s website as soon as the Really Big Telescope aligns and snaps a few more pixilated images of these distant spaceballs.


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